STRAFFORD — As a social worker and mental health counselor, Margaret Ruth Whybrow understood she could often help someone by listening well.

Whybrow explained her approach in a Valley News profile in the 1970s in which she described her work with The Model Infant and Toddler Project at what was then Dartmouth Medical School. The program assisted parents of young children with a range of disabilities.

“They need emotional support,” Whybrow said in the interview. “A good friend, one who is a good listener, can help; someone who isn’t forever giving a lot of advice.”

Whybrow’s empathy for others and a quiet, calm presence made her perfectly suited to her chosen field, said her daughter, Kate.

“It was just really natural for her,” said Kate, who lives in Plainfield where she and her sister, Helen, grew up. “She was very kind, quiet and a positive force all her life.”

Whybrow, who died Aug. 22, 2024 at age 85 at Woodstock Terrace of complications from Alzheimer’s disease, had a long career in social work, was a mental health counselor and assisted elders and their caregivers with support groups. After retirement, she self-published two books on caring for elderly parents and building bonds between parents and adult children.

“Ruth was a gifted clinician whose intellect, directness, commonsense and empathy pervaded her therapeutic work, as well as her friendships and personal relationships,” her former colleague and close friend, Martha Robb said in an email. “Her warm voice and laughter lit up her conversations. She was a role model for younger clinicians.”

Whybrow was born in Portsmouth, England on Sept. 28, 1938, the oldest of four children of George and Doris Steele. After attending the University of Manchester, she earned a master’s degree in social work from the London School of Economics.

In 1962, she married Peter Whybrow, a childhood friend with whom, as a teenager, she bicycled around Europe and England on a tandem.

In 1965, the couple arrived in the U.S. on the Queen Elizabeth II and settled in North Carolina where Peter had a medical residency at the University of North Carolina. They returned to England briefly before moving to the Upper Valley around 1970 and buying an 18th century farmhouse on 200 acres.

Working their land and learning all she could about growing their own food in Plainfield was a passion of Whybrow’s, said her daughter Helen. The family had an enormous vegetable garden, a small dairy operation making butter, an apple orchard and more. Their neighbors, Dana and Dennis Meadows, had sheep and that led to Whybrow learning about spinning wool and knitting.

“My mom was really interested in all that,” said Helen, who attributed her career as an organic dairy and sheep farmer in Fayston, Vt., to her mother’s passion.

The way she shared that labor with her children didn’t make it seem like work to them.

“She was a hands-on person and it was absolutely amazing in the way she made it interesting to us as kids and made us feel involved and supported,” Helen said. “We grew up running around in the woods, raising animals, doing handcrafts and working in the garden and she always made it fun and exciting.”

While her husband joined the faculty at Dartmouth Medical School, Whybrow, who lectured at the medical school and Smith College of Social Work, went to work at the Counseling Center of Lebanon, later West Central Behavioral Health, and was director of the former Horizon House, a day program that served West Central’s clients.

“It’s always interesting, never boring, often challenging and I’m always learning something new,” Whybrow said of what drew her to counseling and social work in the Valley News profile.

Ellen Dezieck, who met Whybrow in the mid-1980s when she was hired at the counseling center, remembers her friend and colleague as an “amazing listener,” unassuming, nonjudgmental and very good at engaging people. They worked together for many years before both went into private practice.

“I think she was highly respected and loved by her colleagues and her clients,” Dezieck said. “She was a quiet force, and quietly, had a lot of strength.”

Robb, first met Whybrow in the late 1980s as part of a “small, tightly knit team” of mental health providers at West Central Behavioral Health, she said, and after their time working together, they continued their association with several counselors who called themselves, “Ruth’s Gaggle.”

“She had long, enduring friendships,” Robb said. “She was an amazing person and I was fortunate to be part of her circle.”

Whybrow’s optimism made people feel comfortable and supported, her daughter Helen said.

“She was always being positive; always cheerful about everything and always willing to find the best in everyone and everything,” Helen said. “She was also really patient and was an incredible listener. I think what made her a great mental health counselor were those things.”

Whybrow also was generous with her knowledge in the field of mental health and loved to mentor others.

While in college, Nancy Forsythe Harrington interned at West Central under Whybrow. Later, when Forsythe Harrington worked at West Central beginning in 1995, Whybrow supervised and mentored her.

“I remember her patiently allowing me to try various ideas and interventions with clients — and listening to my frustrations as I realized my early clinical mistakes — always in a way that allowed me to feel supported and encouraged,” said Forsythe Harrington.

Calling her the “best supervisor” she had in her career, Forsythe Harrington said Whybrow taught her lessons that were key to her professional growth.

“She exemplified kindness, strength and basic commonsense in every clinical situation I brought to her,” Forsythe Harrington said. “Eventually, Ruth became a beloved friend, like an older sister who I so looked up to. She had a killer sense of fun and good humor, a sharp mind, and natural presence.”

Whybrow also was an active member of her community, serving on the Plainfield School Board and the Board of Trustees at Kimball Union Academy.

Later, she was a trustee with the Friends of Justin Morrill Homestead and the Strafford Library while living in Strafford with her partner Kate Siepmann. They met through a support group led by Whybrow for caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients.

“It was truly pioneering,” Siepmann said of the informal group. “I had been taking care of my mother for 15 years and there was no help available. There was no such thing as caregivers’ help and Ruth decided this needed attention.”

“Ruth’s Group” of about eight caregivers, usually met in Whybrow’s office in Lebanon, Siepmann said.

“It was fabulously helpful and we all loved it and we ended up laughing more than crying. It was a Godsend.”

In the mid-1990s, Whybrow and Siepmann bought a house together in Lebanon and moved Siepmann’s mother there to care for her. They later moved to Strafford and lived there for 28 years.

“Our lives together were very fruitful,” Siepmann said. They traveled together to London often and also to Antarctica and Italy.

Dezieck, one of her former colleagues, joined Whybrow on treks through the Cascade mountains and Olympic Peninsula in Washington, the Beartooth Mountains in Montana and the San Juan Mountains in Colorado, along with skiing in the Alps and camping on St. John in the Caribbean.

“She was always open to adventure,” Dezieck said.

Whybrow enjoyed bird watching, photography, gardening and hiking and backpacking, skiing and camping. Helen remembers long walks with her mother and listening to her talk about plants and birds.

“Those are the kind of things that stay with me,” she said.

Whybrow learned photography from her father and the numerous albums of black and white photos she compiled are treasured by her daughters.

“She is not in them but they all have a piece of her because she took them,” Kate said. “It was what she was seeing, so looking through the albums you are seeing life through her eyes.”

Chase McGough, Whybrow’s oldest grandchild, said his best memories of his grandmother were watching and learning about developing film in her darkroom.

His grandmother, he said, made the experience fun.

“I feel like I had so much free rein in there. There was no, ‘Don’t do that’ or ‘Don’t touch that,’ it was very inviting. We never had a goal but we would just mess around. It was time and space to do whatever I wanted.”

As her dementia progressed, Whybrow lost her ability to do many of the things she loved, but the disease did not crush her spirit or the delight she found in others, Helen said.

After an accident, Whybrow was hospitalized and had to endure painful tests that she did not fully understand, her daughter said.

“Most people would be irritated, fed up and scared but when a nurse came in, Mom would say, ‘Oh, you are just the most wonderful person. You made my day.’ She was constantly making people feel good, even in her worst circumstances.”

Patrick O’Grady can be reached at pogclmt@gmail.com.

CORRECTION: Kate Siepmann was Margaret Ruth Whybrow's partner. A previous version of this story included   a misspelling for Siepmann's last name.